Response to Gallagher and Kramer, Part 1

In The Hot Woman’s Handbook: The Cake Guide to Female Sexual Pleasure, Gallagher and Kramer deconstruct age-old myths and misconceptions about women and sex by highlighting ways in which women seek and find sexual pleasure (i.e. sexual fantasies, “the hand job”, vibrators, etc). Their agenda is to give alternatives to women, not to claim that these alternatives are the only ways for women to explore their sexuality.

In chapter 1: From Birth to Babe, Gallagher and Kramer reminds us of our first “fantasies” as kids and how we began to explore our bodies. They also mention about how sex-ed classes never focus on the pleasure side of sex such as: masturbation, how sex is fun, or of orgasm but show frightening pictures of how one might get STD. I found it a little odd when they mention Melissa's story and how her mother gave her a vibrator at the age of thirteen (10). As of right now, I honestly do not find myself doing that in the future. I will teach my daughter about her body but I don't think I would give her a vibrator. Maybe I'm just more conservative when it comes to sexuality but I can't see myself doing that.

In chapter 2: Rock Your Body and Reap the Rewards, they brought attention to how obsessed our culture has become with the female body and how the media have contributed to that. Their section on “objectify yourself” was quite interesting. They said “why are we supposed to constantly observe ourselves in the mirror to get great abs or a great butt, but never supposed to observe our vaginas to get great orgasms?” (26). Overall, I like how this chapter provides some suggestions on how to go about taking charge of our own body image by giving examples such as writing to unsubscribe to our magazines. It also brought attention to how important it is for women to be aware of their menstrual cycle and their sexual health.

The last three chapters are devoted specifically to sexual fantasies and masturbation. Some of the fantasies mentioned here are very graphic and while reading, for some obvious reasons, I felt like I was watching porn. They go into details about the G-spot and even show pictures of how to perform it correctly. Their “tips, tricks, and techniques” to self-stimulation was extremely graphic. But regardless, I appreciate their acknowledgment of different women. “We all have the same basic equipment, but in the end we all come to an understanding of our own individual bodies. You are the expert.” (57).

While reading this first part of the book, I appreciate how right away, Gallagher and Kramer made sure their readers understood their objectives. This book so far reminds me of my Biology of Women textbook with pictures of the vagina and information on ovulation but just more explicit details on fantasies and masturbations. I honestly get the vibe that they care about the “real” woman and about how the media has come to objectify women. Just from this first part, I honestly don’t feel like they are trying to objectify women but offer alternative ways to explore and experience sexual stimulations.

I wonder though, if all these advices are new to most students. And if they are, how did other students feel reading chapters 3-5. Regardless, I still don’t feel like this is all that liberating and empowering to women because it seems to fall into that “raunch” culture Levy was talking about. I'm not saying that women should not embrace their sexuality, but I feel there are still too much focus on that and in a way, it takes away our attention to feel liberated and empowered through other aspects of our lives. I just wonder how long it’s going to take for us to move away from talking about objectifying our bodies and start having conversations about ways in which we can be role models and leaders in other parts of our lives.

about me:

Similar to everyone else in the class, I have taken many of the same courses offered here at St. Olaf but unlike most, my upbringing has been very different. I was born in Loei, Thailand and came to the United States when I was six years old. By the time I was eleven, I had helped raised seven of my siblings. Life was rough for everyone but it was harder for my parents. My mom was juggling with motherhood and high school while my dad was trying to get his Associates and working full time. In order for the family to function, everyone had to make sure their specific gender roles were fulfilled. Meaning there was no time to question or challenge the patriarchal structure; everything happens because “it’s the way it’s supposed to”.

Up until my sophomore year here at St. Olaf, I was busy trying to pave the way for my siblings and to be an obedient daughter to my parents that there was little room left to focus on anything else, such as feminism. I grew up in a very patriarchal family and learned to accept my dad as the decision maker. I suffered along with the women in my life due to their oppression from men. But at the same time, I have always admired strong and independent American women, not knowing a world of feminism exist nor considering that there is so much history behind it. But it was not until I took Feminist Theology that I became enlightened. It felt like I had somehow deviated from my Shamanistic beliefs and found a new “religion”, a religion comprised of women’s rights.

My decision to major in Women Studies has really helped me to understand and connect with not just the women in my life but the men as well. I do agree with what Professor Sabo said that feminism is personal and that it leads to activism. Because of this, I have decided to create a Hmong Women Dialogue group on campus. I am still in the process of putting the group together this semester but I am hoping to bring together the experiences of college Hmong women and other women who are interested to come together and develop trusting friendships. To echo everyone else, I look forward to our discussions and to learn more about feminism. As we all dive into these heated topics, remember to keep an open mind that everyone is shaped by their own unique upbringing.